Bad Habits
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: On their way to a movie, the Darkstalkers drop by Felicia's house only to find her... well, just read it. Don't forget to review, please!


Disclaimer: I don't own the Darkstalkers or anything else for that matter (with the exception of this plot, which is of no monetary value). Therefore, please don't sue poor, destitute, lil' ole me!

* * *

"C'mon, babe!" Raptor whined. "I wanna see Friday the 13th, Part 22!" 

"Raptor, what is it with you and slasher flicks? For the last time, we're going to go see a comedy, and that's that!" the Chinese ghost retorted.

Normally, when you see three Darkstalkers walking down the street it would be logical to think that there's about to be trouble (and that you should get the heck out of Dodge). However, on this particular evening Hsien-ko, Rikuo, and Lord Raptor were merely heading to their local cinema to enjoy themselves. After seemingly endless fighting with humans, each other, and would-be "destroyers of worlds" like Pyron, most of the Darkstalkers just wanted to kick back and relax.

Hsien-ko suddenly noticed that her fishman friend had stopped walking and was staring intently at a nearby house. "Hey, what's up, Rikuo?" she asked.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that Felicia's house?" he answered, smiling. "We ought to ask her if she wants to come along with us. After all, she always seemed a nice enough sort of gal."

"Sure, she smiled and laughed the whole time she was kicking my zombie a$$!" Raptor cackled. "Still, she's one fine feline, so I guess I've got no objections."

"Okay, then," Hsien-ko said, a tiny smile passing over her face. "Let's go ask her..."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Upon reaching the door, they were very surprised to find it unlocked. Venturing inside, they were greeted with complete silence.

"Felicia?" Hsien-ko called softly.

"Maybe she's asleep or something..." Rikuo whispered. "I feel sort of weird wandering around someone's house univited; let's go."

Before Hsien-ko could reply, Raptor's raspy voice called out, "Hey, get over here, you two! You've got to see this! Hahaha..."

They walked over to the source of the voice and found him peeking stealthily around a corner.

Hsien-ko raised an eyebrow, (rightfully) suspicious that the undead rocker was up to no good. "Raptor, what are you... HUH?"

The three stared in confused fascination at the scene in Felicia's living room. As usual, the catwoman was putting on quite a show, even if she didn't know it this time... Felicia was sitting on her sofa, happily licking herself on the arms! Her sandpaper tongue slid up and down her soft but powerful arms and hands, making a slight scratching sound as it did so; from the look on her face, it was obvious that she was REALLY enjoying this little "self-cleaning".

Rikuo looked **extremely** uncomfortable, and was sweating profusely (a very tough task for a fish). "Uh... w-we..." he stuttered, "that is... don't you think we should announce ourselves or something?"

Lord Raptor gave him an annoyed look. "Are you kidding, fish-man? How often does a guy get to watch a beautiful girl _lick_ herself? I wanna see where this goes... Heh, heh, heh..."

Hsien-ko rolled her eyes. "Men..."

She got up, and (despite silent pleas from Raptor) gave three sharp knocks on the wall and called out, "Hey, Felicia!"

"**_YEEEOOWW!_**"

There was a blue blur, and then Felicia was gone! For a few seconds none of them knew what had happened, but then a chuckling Rikuo pointed up at the ceiling. Hanging from it was everyone's favorite catwoman, and she was one panicked pussycat.

"**Who? What? When? Where?**" she gasped, looking around frantically. Finally, she caught sight of her unexpected guests.

"Oh, it's you guys..." she said, breathing a small sigh of relief. "Geez, don't scare me like that! Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

"Sure have," Hsien-ko replied. "If I'm not mistaken, that's what got you up there in the first place. Hahahaha! Seriously, though, sorry about not knocking when we came in. That was rude of us."

"Ah, no biggie..." Felicia muttered, dropping back down to the floor. Suddenly a deep blush covered her face. "Uh, how long were you guys standing there, anyway?"

Rikuo and Hsien-ko both tried to pretend like they had just walked in, stammering, "Oh, not long, not long!" Unfortunately, the word "tact" was not in Lord Raptor's vocabulary...

"Long enough to see EVERYTHING, baby!" he exclaimed, a lecherous smile stretching across his face. "Say, once you finish licking yourself from top to bottom, can I try?"

_**SCRATCH!**_

"**AAAAAAAGGGGHHH! MY FACE!**" Raptor screamed, holding his injured face in his hands.

"**It's just the arms, you jerk!**" Felicia fumed. Her face was so red that she could easily impersonate a radish. "Oh, God... I'm so embarassed, I feel sick..."

Seeing that she was on the verge of tears, Rikuo tried to calm her. "Felicia, it's okay. Everyone has an odd habit or two."

"He's right," Hsien-ko nodded. "Don't let that jerk bother you!"

Sniffling a little, she forced a smile. "Thanks, guys. Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag: Felicia's embarassing nervous habit is arm-licking. It's a bad habit I picked up when I was a little girl... kitten... (_haha!_) well, whatever I was. It just helps me relieve tension, but it's way embarassing."

"Yeah, I do something like that, too," Hsien-ko giggled. "My nervous habit is rolling my neck. Like this..."

Without warning, the ghost girl's head began spinning around like a bad remake of "The Excorcist"! As the hideous display went on without end, a look of horror came over everyone's face.

"Uh, y-you can stop now! We see!" Felicia choked.

"Cut it out, Casper the Freaky Ghost!" a voice snapped.

Hsien-ko stopped and turned to see Lord Raptor sneering at her. He was sporting three red lines on his face, but otherwise the undead rocker was no worse for wear.

Now it was Hsien-ko's turn to blush. "You didn't have to make such a big deal out of it..." she mumbled.

Trying to change the subject, Felicia turned to Rikuo. "So, Rikuo, how about you? Does 'the King of the Sea' have any bad habits?"

For a second, nobody spoke. Then, Lord Raptor (who else?) spoke up:

"I heard that he pees in the pool."

For a few agonizing moments, Felicia and Hsien-ko desperately tried to keep a straight face. Finally, they erupted in peals of tear-filled laughter; the idea of the self-proclaimed "King of All Water" befouling his own domain like that was just too priceless!

Rikuo's green skin had turned a fiery red, and he was yelling at Lord Raptor at the top of his lungs. "**I DO NOT! The very idea is absurd!**"

"Don't try to hide it. You spend so much time in the water that you MUST go in it every now and again..." Raptor pointed out.

"I live in a RIVER, stupid!" Rikuo retorted. "There's quite a bit of difference between doing my business in the Amazon and doing it in some land-dweller's swimming pool!"

"Oh, yeah?" Raptor chuckled, and evil gleam in his eye. "Then what about last year at Morrigan's pool party?"

Rikuo gasped. "_Crap, that's right!_" he thought, cringing slightly. "_He was there..._"

(_Flashback, one year ago in the Makai..._)

_Lilith gave her sister an odd look. "Hey, Sis..." she whispered. "Why are those bubbles coming up around Rikuo... and why is he smiling like that?"_

_Morrigan's eyes went wide. "Everyone, out of the pool!"_

(_End flashback_)

His dirty secret revealed, the King of the Seas was blubbering on the floor. "Boo, hoo, hoo! I'm SO ashamed!"

"It's okay, Rikuo," Felica meowed, patting him on the shoulder. "Everyone does something embarassing like that every now and again."

"Yeah, you still could wet the bed or somethin' like that," Lord Raptor added (well, at least he _tried_ to be helpful...).

"Oh, yeah?" Rikuo snapped. "If you're so perfect, why don't you tell everyone why you don't have a nose?"

The zombie began sweating noticeably. "Uh, all zombies are noseless. Duh! Everyone knows that."

"Actually..." Hsien-ko mused thoughtfully, "I've seen a lot of zombies with noses. Come to think of it, I guess you're the only one I've ever met who _doesn't_."

Felicia tilted her head to the side in confusion. "So, if it isn't a zombie 'thing', then why would..."

To everyone's shock, Lord Raptor fell to his knees and began bawling!

"Okay, okay! I admit it!" he cried. "I picked my nose so much that it finally fell off! There, are you satisfied? Waaaaaaah!"

Everyone was sweatdropping. After an awkward silence, Felicia finally spoke up.

"Look, I think we all have something about ourselves that we're not too proud of. Let's take a mutual vow of silence in regards to these bad habits, okay?" she asked, putting her hand/paw out.

It was quickly joined by three other hands: one blue, one green, and one skeletal.

"AGREED!" they all yelled.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Having promised to "keep mum" about each other's embarassing habits, the four Darkstalkers were once again walking down the road toward the movie theater. Suddenly, Felicia stopped in the middle of the road.

"What's new, Pussycat?" Raptor queried.

"Isn't that Jedah's house?" she asked, a big grin on her face. "We ought to..."

Before she could finish her suggestion, a tall, dark figure passed by the window... prancing around in a "Little Bo-peep" costume.

"We ought to what?" Hsien-ko asked. Looking around, Felicia realized that she was the only one who had witnessed that terrifying sight.

Giving a nervous laugh, she answered, "We ought to keep walking."

**THE END**

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Hahaha! Well, I hope you liked this little story. The idea came to me at work (where my mind tends to wander most), and I thought it would be a fun thing to write and post.

Well, enough of my rambling. Tell me what YOU think, using that handy-dandy review button below...


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